All the Whos down in Whoville got traffic a lot
But the Grinch, who lived far North of Whoville, did not
The Grinch hated optimizing, and the SEO practice,
But for his reluctance, the first page he’d not access.
It could be his site wasn’t coded just right,
It could be perhaps that his tags were untight,
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his Java had yet to install.
Whatever the reason his pages weren’t landing
He sat there and viewed the SERPs, hating his standing.
Staring down at his laptop with a sour Grinchy frown,
At the various webpages keeping his down
The Grinch knew every Who, who was SEO-versed,
Was busy now publishing, vying for “First”
“And they’re tagging their titles!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Their traffic is coming, it’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I must find a way to stop traffic from coming!”
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Who-Analytics
Would wake bright and early, to check their statistics!
And then! Oh, the fervor of checking their metrics!
(To the Grinch all that data was just hieroglyphics.)
Then the Whos, young and old, would their data unpack,
And their numbers they’d track, and they’d TRACK!
TRACK! TRACK! TRACK!
They would track their page visits, and rare goal completions,
(Which was something the Grinch never saw to impletion).
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Would sit at their laptops, reviewing their standings,
They’d work on their pages, their traffic expanding!
They’d spring better content! They’d SPRING!
SPRING! SPRING! SPRING!
And the more the Grinch thought of this Who SEO,
The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this whole show!”
“Why, for seventeen years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this SEO nonsense! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” the Grinch laughed at the thought,
And he wrote a quick script for a troublesome bot.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!”
“With this bot on the network, their numbers I’ll slick!”
“All I need is a backdoor…” the Grinch snooped around
But, since Whos are tech savvy, there were none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t find a portal, I’ll make one instead!”
So he found a disreputable server abroad
And he hijacked their uplink to unleash his squad.
His bots would run rampant, and ruin the data,
“Now they can’t track their numbers, or trust their schemata!”
“The Whos will have no way to know who’s been viewing.”
“They’ll optimize blindly; they WILL stop succeeding!”
“If the Whos can’t respond to the market’s demands
Their traffic will leave them, right into my hands!”
Then the Grinch began planning, and plotting, and scheming
While the Whos down in Whoville lay quietly dreaming.
The Grinch turned his options around in his mind
While his bots wreaked their havoc, their motives unkind.
He packed up his satchel with laptop and cell,
Then drove into Whoville to witness their knell.
He set himself up in the center of town,
And waited with glee for the coming meltdown.
The Whos would awaken in just a few hours
And find, when they checked, that their data was soured.
They’d panic and flounder, their sites be deserted,
While the Grinch-Blog would prosper from the traffic diverted.
He watched his bots’ progress with mounting excitement.
(If anyone saw this, there’d be an indictment!)
By mucking about and following links,
The bots were pretending exorbitant clicks.
They threw off the data, triggered the goals,
They ruined the CTR, spoiled the polls.
The bots moved quite quickly, The Grinch was quite focused,
But a little Who girl had crept up unnoticed.
Watching his screen, she saw bots hard at work,
And she asked the Grinch why he was being such a jerk.
The Grinch spun ‘round fast, surprised at the noise
By the little Who girl, who stood there with poise.
But the Grinch was a quick one, with a lie on his lips
“These aren’t malicious and devious scripts!”
“They’re repairing a flaw in your data, you see.
I’m sent by Google. I’m sure you’ll agree
That they’d never damage your pages or tools,
Since they’re pretty much the ones who make the rules.”
Little Cindy-Lou Who took this at face,
Since lying was rare in this peaceful Who place.
She scampered back home, to her little Who bed
To dream little dreams in her little Who head.
And when she was gone from the central Who square,
The Grinch did return to his sordid affair
Of watching the bots work nefarious plans
To drive the Whos’ traffic into his Grinch hands.
It was quarter past dawn, all the Whos still a-bed,
All the Whos still a-snooze when his bots were a-fed.
By the time they were done, they’d left not a trace
Of their villainous foray through Who Cyberspace.
“PoohPooh to the Whos!” he was grinchishly humming.
“They’ll find out soon that no Traffic is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry ‘BooHoo!’”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the valley.
It echoed through alleys, then started to sally.
The sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded quite merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He looked out at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who here in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! With plenty of users, a tremendous haul!
He hadn’t stopped traffic from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch with his laptop screen still aglow
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“It came without tracking. It came without Tags!”
“It came without Optimized keywords or flags!
And he puzzled for hours, ‘till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch realized something he’d not thought of before.
“Maybe Traffic,” he thought “doesn’t notice your score”
“Maybe Traffic… perhaps… sees a little bit more”
“It’s content, you see, that’s always been prized!”
“Just ‘write the best content!’ That’s what’s advised!”
At that precise moment, a creature appeared
A hummingbird, flitting had suddenly neared.
“Grinch,” it said, “I’m glad to assist
“I have helped others, when traffic they’d missed.”
“I’ve taught them that content herself is the queen
And that data is useful when trends you would glean.
By ruining data, it’s harder to track,
But viewers are still going to come, and come back!.”
And what happened then? Well, in Whoville, they say,
That the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight,
He started to publish! His faults he would right.
His content was stellar, and people did notice,
The Whos, for their part, said “he didn’t smote us.”
It helped that the bot-stuff was easily filtered,
And that greater assaults the Whos had all wintered,
But what really made it, what was their salvation,
The Whos sites were great, an established station,
Their users ne’er wavered, they lacked hesitation.
That reputation spared them the bots’ imbrication.
The Grinch, for his part, finally learned,
That traffic’s not stolen, it’s rightfully earned,
So he signed up for a free consultation,
With Colibri Digital Marketing nation.
He saw a boon that was unprecedented,
And with his enlightenment, the Grinch repented
For his abuse of the Whos’ analytics.
(He’d spent a long time as their harshest critic)
And they, for their part, were quite forgiving,
The Whos were unanimously beginning
To welcome the Grinch, despite his behaviours,
Into their circle, of like-minded saviors
Of digital marketing, (noble pursuit!)
The Grinch finally learned how to not be a brute.
So thank you for reading, it calls for applause
That you’re still on board with our SEO cause.
We’re glad that you’re with us, dear reader and friend,
Your SEO standings we’re glad to amend,
Your status and rankings — they matter a lot.
We don’t take them lightly — they fill up our thoughts.
We’re glad that you’ve partnered with us all along
And for the next year, we are coming out strong!
Happy holidays from all of us at Colibri Digital Marketing!
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This post was originally written and posted by Andrew McLoughlin. It is republished here on on behalf of Colibri Digital Marketing. Thanks, Andrew, for a great read!